Being Single and Available. . .

It’s been a long time since I saw myself as a ‘Single’ guy. I’ve always been single but someone has always had my attention. I was never full on single cause I was always looking to try and get this particular girl or that particular girl to be my girlfriend. It was like ‘Single But Hopefully Soon To Be In A Relationship’. It’s funny how those things never worked out. Well, now that I think about it, not that funny.

Recent events in my life have forced me to take a look at my life in this way. The last single girl I know has found something that might be great for her and right now makes her happy. Normally, I would feel let down. First, because she was one those girls I was chasing. But secondly, because it felt like I had to start from scratch again. I had to go and meet new singles and try to find someone again. And it did bother me at first. But it didn’t take me long to think how great this could be.

In my eyes, being single means I don’t have to impress anyone anymore. I don’t have to try and be something that would attract a certain girl. I can be goofy, man-child, sometimes quiet, occasionally shy, mostly funny, and all the time nice and sensitive guy that I like being. And maybe that’s the great part. I can be the man I like being instead of the man I think they might like. Also, I can enjoy being single. Not having to worry if the girl I’m talking with finds me interesting. And not trying to look around, seeing a potential mate somewhere. And I think what might be the greatest thing is this: I can now try and be the friend I’ve always wanted to be to those girls who have had to suffer me chasing them. I am happy to say that most are my friends and hopefully now I can act like (as the great Tim McGraw lyric says) a friend a friend would like to have.

I like the idea of being single now. I have a lot of things on my plate. I have a new department that wants me to be the backup . . . for everyone, even for people not actually working in our department. Now that’s challenging. I have a novel to finish editing if I want to see my plan for it continue on its path. I have a house to sell and find a new one to go to. I have songs to write and youtube videos to make and improve on. And a body I drag to the gym twice or three times a week because it needs it. And that’s just the stuff I’m willing to talk about. I don’t know if I could handle being in a relationship and be the boyfriend I would like to be.

There are so many things I do alone. I often say that I would like someone to do couple things with. But I’ve gone to classical concerts alone, festivals and parades alone, hockey games alone, art gallery, dinner or lunch out, coffee alone, and it’s never really bothered me. These are all things that might be considered ‘couple’ things to do, and I would love someone to join with me. But I don’t need that to enjoy them you know?  I’ve never not enjoyed one these events because I didn’t have someone with me. I didn’t enjoy these events cause of the regular reason one hates these events: boring, not interesting, bad coffee. Sure I guess having someone there to laugh about how bad it was would of been nice, but it never really bothered me.

The last time I was at this crossroads I made a decision. I was going to be more outgoing. I still remember the first time I tried this whole ‘be outgoing’ thing. My supervisor, Janice, and I had to work a Saturday shift to do some testing for new work coming to our department. Well, after that was done, I was talking to her and she said ‘Oh. I’m just gonna hang around downtown until my cousins comes and gets me’. Now she was new in town from Montreal and didn’t know much about downtown Vancouver. So I took a chance and just asked if she would like some company. I didn’t think she would want me to go with her, but instead of a ‘no’, I got a ‘Yeah. Sure.’ I’ve never been more nervous in my life. I don’t remember showing her anything about downtown, but I remember us joking around about how she could get lost and how mad her boss would be if I got her lost cause I left her alone in Vancouver. Eventually, she shooed me away, knowing that I had a previous engagement back in Surrey. But for the first time in a while, I was working it, single man style.

I’ve never really enjoyed the idea of being ‘Single’. I don’t even really know what it means to be that way. To be honest, I don’t know how to look and act 'Single'. Should I start wearing cologne? In a way, I’ve always been in this status, just never really noticed. I guess I should just be myself. It’s always been at the very least very comfortable.

How I started Writing. . .

Hey y’all

I was thinking what should be my next blog about when I realized I haven’t really talked about writing. That was the whole point of this thing. I wanted to not just practice writing but also to talk about, maybe even find fellow writers who are just starting to build their craft, just like me. So I thought what would be a good blog about writing, and I thought wouldn’t it be nice to let the people know how I got into writing songs and my novel, and blog writing.

So let’s start with song writing.

I’ve always written poetry. Ever since I was a little kid in elementary, poetry was my way of expression. I couldn’t draw. I couldn’t dance (or at least enough to think I myself was good). I couldn’t do anything really except write poetry. So that’s what I did.

I’ve also been surrounded by music all my life. For my family, music is more than just notes. It’s a passion that we love deeply. I remember listening to my dad, playing his acoustic guitar, singing songs. One particular song I think about a lot is John Denver’s ‘I’m Sorry’. I used to hide behind my dad’s den door when he would sing that song, and he sung with such passion and sadness that I would start to cry.

So when I started to get older and understand that song lyric were like poetry, I started writing songs. But it was always in the background until my sister and brother got me a gift card to Tom Lee Music five/six years ago. I bought my first guitar and everything changed. All of sudden it wasn’t just a bunch of word on a paper, but a lyrics with musical notes and more importantly, with a meaning. I am forever grateful for my older bro and sis for the gift.

Novel writing was a bit different, and it didn’t happen over decades of time.

In one of my old departments, I would be the newsletter writer. Simply a page or two about what’s going on in the department and in the company as a whole. Just normal stuff. Until one day, we found out the department was leaving my work and being outsourced.

A lot of people were told in a few months, they wouldn’t have a job. Stay on long enough to transition it over then out the door. It was a sad feeling. I still look back and miss the people I never saw again cause of that department moving. At the time, I was pretty hurt and distraught. While I was lucky enough to find a different job at my work, not many were. I was still asked to make a newsletter every two weeks. One particular edition I was asked to write about change and how it’s good and to be cheery and then add the manager’s and HR’s number if anyone needs help. I sat down to write it but I couldn’t. I wasn’t in a cheery, happy mood. I was scared and worried for my friends. And I missed them already, even they were still there. So instead I wrote from the heart. I wrote how I was feeling and how it was alright to feel those feelings of hurt and confusion, and frustration. In the end, I compromised. One side of the newsletter was my story. The other side was some advice from a seminar that my company gave about the year before about handling change. It turned out to be loved by my boss. She loved it and actually passed it on to other departments in other sites for my company, as they too were losing people.

After that, I thought that maybe, just maybe I was pretty good at this whole writing thing. So I decided to write a novel about something I knew a lot about: Star Trek. After six months of writing about a new Red Squad cadet team flying out into space, I realized it sucked and I had no idea where it was going. So I ditched it and started again. This time with a brand new idea, centering on the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Please see the Book of Revelation, in the Holy Bible).

Finally, blog writing.

While all that stuff is true about wanting to practice writing, and make a community of writers to help me write, but really, the real reason, is I can’t say the things I write here. I could never say certain things. That that are close to my heart, or things that mean a lot to me. I could never seem to express them right. But I’ve never had the problem when I write. I could always put down on paper or blog what I couldn’t say out loud. Like I would never had told anyone about how I hate missing people, or how I don’t think I’ve treated the new girl at work very good. But this blog let me say something, and helped me sort it out in my head.

Also, everyone is doing it. Never let be said that BJ doesn’t follow the crowd.

Anyways, that’s how I started writing. How about you? How did you get into doing what you’re passionate about!

BJB