2012: The year I saw the bright side.

Dec 31, 2012.

I am begging for this day to come. Desperate for it actually.

Not because I have a killer party to attend. Or because I have an unbelievable girl to kiss.

No. The biggest reason I'm looking forward to this day is simply. It's the last day of the 2012. If I can survive one more day, this year will be done. I can look at it from the past tense, instead of a present tense, and hopefully move on.

2012, as you can see, hasn't been too kind to me. I've went through another a job change, and all the changes that I went through a year ago seemed to have overwhelmed this year. I am not ashamed to admit it beat me some days. Made me cry to sleep. Frustrate me to the point where everything I saw was red. I never dreamed nightmares would come true, but there were times this year where I felt in a nightmare.

But it's funny how as I thought about this blog, I realized that this year, despite the low blows, the tears, the frustration, the losses, had some good things. This post was going to be like my 2011: The Year Everything Changed post. A blog about how things have changed and how it's affecting me. But instead I'm going to focus on the positive. And hopefully, this will be what carries over to the next year.

My first positive is the people.

More than any other year of my life, I relied heavily on the people around me. These people have rescued me from myself and brought a light into my life I never thought about before now. I would like to list a few now.

Lorna, for her friendship and strength, when at times I felt I had none of my own. She has helped me more time than I care to admit, and for absolutely nothing in return except to bring back that smile to my face.

Lily, for her positive attitude and kindness. She has been a constant light this whole year, and her friendship and her attitude has helped me so much and has been around me so much that I dare say, she's starting to become one of my best friends. Explaining how much she has helped me would take a whole blog, all on its own.

Darren and Andi, for, well everything. No one has given more to me than these two, particularly Darren. Whenever he saw the frown on my face, the sadness creep in, he didn't run. He stayed and asked to help. He would talk when others would leave, not knowing what to do.

Tess, Nola, Cioni, Derrick, Shalesh, Timi and all those I have the pleasure of working with. No m
atter what the day may bring, I have these people around me for 8 hours a day, making any day better. Sometimes it doesn't look like it but trust me they do.

These are only a small list of the new people who have helped. The list would be a lot longer if I included the people who have always helped me like Russ, Steve, Arn, Arlene, Peter, Ollie, Ry-Ry, Mom, Dad, Maria, Mike, J-Man, Maya, Christine, Rene, and so on and so forth.

The other positive is my experiences. This year I have experienced a lot and you know, not all of them were half bad. Like for example. . .

The experience of seeing a new member of the family. Oh lil Rosie. You are a beautiful thing. If you turned out half as strong as your mother, or half as smart as your dad, you will truly be one of the greatest people of all time. I hope to see you grow, even from so far away.

The experience of visiting Australia. Sydney has one of the most beautiful sites to see in the world. It is also one of the most calming, relaxing cities I ever been to. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to experience it.

The experience of losing weight. 50 lbs. That is how much I've lost since last year. The thought of it boggles my mind. I would have never thought I could get that far. And the thought that I'm still losing weight, that I am, according to science, no longer obese, makes me smile bright and makes me proud of my accomplishment.

The experience of living on my own. This was a good/bad experience but I like it because above all else, it made me appreciate my parents more. And the people around me. It was lonely up there in that condo, despite my best efforts to not have it so. But now I think the Lord every night for my parents and the sacrifices they made and my friends, for the role they play in my life.

2012. A nightmare of a year. It's funny how nightmares always bring with it a lesson. I guess the lesson is no matter how bad it is, there is a bright side. A side that can give you hope. A side that tells you that if you just keep with it, you will be alright.

And for that lesson, 2012, I thank you.

What I wanna be proud of when I'm 90. . .

Recent events has made me question what I'm doing with my life. I guess with my parents moving away and retiring in the Phillipines and my sister moving to go to Australia, my friend having a new baby, my other firend getting married, and changes in general in my own life have stuck a chord. So where does one go for answers? The Bible? Priest? God? The dude on top of the mountain? Wuotes from Ghandi? Random Vancouver homeless dude? Hell no. I went to the internet! (Though a lot internet links lead you back to those answers above) And as always I found how much I want an answer cause it starts off with long articles about how you to change your life. But the funny thing, they just say you need to be like this. They never explain how. Until I got to a site called simplethinknow.com. A good site that is like a blog like this but you know with people who know what they atalking about. Cause who wants to read someone's weird rant about stuff he found on the internet (That's you, ain't it? Don't worry. At least you're not the crazy dude ranting. . .) So what did I discover? I want to help people and make a difference. Surprised? If so, you don't know me well. But then again, that's why you be here right? No biggie right? But the how I want to do this is surprising. It's not that I didn't think music could make a differecne. It's madea huge difference in mine. Songwriting has giving me a chance to explain things I could never explain without. Singing has given me hope when I fell into the dark holes that I sometiems fall into. And the right song can make me run another km when I just wanna collpase in a heap to make me smile when the worst is the only thought left in my head. But could I make a difference in this world with music? Would it matter? Am I that good? Then my friend helped me see that maybe being good enough may not be the point. The point is I go for it. The point is finding a purpose in life. To try and do something, cause it's really hard to make a difference when you don't try. When fear pushes you down and you don't get up. And haveing a purpose is the first step to making a difference. So I have a purpose. What now? Well, I guess that's a story for a different blog. If I feel like wrting it, cause you know, I'm a lazy ass. . .word. BJB