It might be happening again. . .

Every once in a while, we have to say goodbye to people in our lives. People move on, find new jobs, and start new lives. And you promise each other to keep in touch and to remain friends but sometimes it’s hard. I’ve experienced it a lot. I think we all have. And it’s frustrating when you fight for it and it just doesn’t work out. Hard as you try, it just doesn’t work. And you lose a friend. Or worse, you stop trying because you just don’t see a point in it. You feel like the friendship is over because they aren’t physically there. For someone like me, that’s important. I much rather see someone laugh out loud, then give two cleverly placed letters (I talking about texting LOL). And I much rather see a smiling face then see a “smiley face”. But it’s more than that. I like feeling close to that person. I can hug them, knuckle bump them, hi five them, whatever. So I’m always scared when for whatever reason, I move or someone else moves away from me. Cause I’ve seen that game before. It starts before that person even goes as it becomes hard for the two of us to find time to talk. It becomes so hard that I feel distant from that person, even though they are right there. I end up far away from that person. As much as I don’t want to, as great as my original intentions are, the same thing happens. . .

All these fears have come back cause someone I care about (a lot more than I should) is moving away today. And I don’t know what’s going to happen. I want to say ‘I’ll stay in touch with her’ and ‘We’ll keep our friendship’. But I just don’t know. And it scares me, because I never want to stop being there for her. Have you ever met someone, and you just knew she was important to you and your life? Maybe not like love (Though for me it turned into that) but you just knew that this was someone who God sent into your life for a reason. That’s how I felt and still feel about her. Maybe it’s silly but it’s true. I won’t get into serious details about it now (but I bet a blog will come soon enough) but she has done so much for me and inspired me in a lot of things. I find it hard imagining that she isn’t a well timed text message away from dinner. I find it hard imaging that she won’t be in the same city. I guess with her in the same city I was, I could hold on to a silly illusion that I could somehow change her mind about me. Somehow, I could make her feel the way I feel for her. But I digress. . .

I don’t want to lose her, simply because there is a couple of 1000 miles between us. So I’m going to do what I always do when faced with a situation that seems doomed and hard: I ask those around me for help. So please give me suggestions on what I can do to change what has happened in the past.

For my part, I‘ve already thought of things. Visiting her seems a very logic solution. I’ve already thought of ways to get to where she’s going. But that’s not as economic feasible as I would hope. I won’t give up on the friendship, as I’ve noticed I’ve done that in that past. And I guess using the social media thing is another way. I just worry that MSNing her every Friday might be a bit much (That’s how much I want to do). I’m also going to try to keep positive, though it’s really hard. I miss her so much, and she’s still here. With my past, it’s hard to be positive. But I’ll try for her. I would love to use video calling too. Again though, I don’t know if that’s too much for her.

I don’t know what she’ll do. If my friendship with her means that much to her, I don’t know. At times, she has disappeared on me already in our friendship and as much as I stay positive, it takes a toll on me, not feeling that closeness I mentioned above. I’ve always felt we rely too much on texting and MSN to gain a close friendship instead of actually hanging out together.  Now that’s all we will have. Will it be enough? It’s silly, I know. We’re just friends. But she means a lot to me and I just don’t want to just watch out friendship die. I don’t want to lose her, just because she’s 1000 miles away.

So again, any suggestions?