Being Single and Available. . .

It’s been a long time since I saw myself as a ‘Single’ guy. I’ve always been single but someone has always had my attention. I was never full on single cause I was always looking to try and get this particular girl or that particular girl to be my girlfriend. It was like ‘Single But Hopefully Soon To Be In A Relationship’. It’s funny how those things never worked out. Well, now that I think about it, not that funny.

Recent events in my life have forced me to take a look at my life in this way. The last single girl I know has found something that might be great for her and right now makes her happy. Normally, I would feel let down. First, because she was one those girls I was chasing. But secondly, because it felt like I had to start from scratch again. I had to go and meet new singles and try to find someone again. And it did bother me at first. But it didn’t take me long to think how great this could be.

In my eyes, being single means I don’t have to impress anyone anymore. I don’t have to try and be something that would attract a certain girl. I can be goofy, man-child, sometimes quiet, occasionally shy, mostly funny, and all the time nice and sensitive guy that I like being. And maybe that’s the great part. I can be the man I like being instead of the man I think they might like. Also, I can enjoy being single. Not having to worry if the girl I’m talking with finds me interesting. And not trying to look around, seeing a potential mate somewhere. And I think what might be the greatest thing is this: I can now try and be the friend I’ve always wanted to be to those girls who have had to suffer me chasing them. I am happy to say that most are my friends and hopefully now I can act like (as the great Tim McGraw lyric says) a friend a friend would like to have.

I like the idea of being single now. I have a lot of things on my plate. I have a new department that wants me to be the backup . . . for everyone, even for people not actually working in our department. Now that’s challenging. I have a novel to finish editing if I want to see my plan for it continue on its path. I have a house to sell and find a new one to go to. I have songs to write and youtube videos to make and improve on. And a body I drag to the gym twice or three times a week because it needs it. And that’s just the stuff I’m willing to talk about. I don’t know if I could handle being in a relationship and be the boyfriend I would like to be.

There are so many things I do alone. I often say that I would like someone to do couple things with. But I’ve gone to classical concerts alone, festivals and parades alone, hockey games alone, art gallery, dinner or lunch out, coffee alone, and it’s never really bothered me. These are all things that might be considered ‘couple’ things to do, and I would love someone to join with me. But I don’t need that to enjoy them you know?  I’ve never not enjoyed one these events because I didn’t have someone with me. I didn’t enjoy these events cause of the regular reason one hates these events: boring, not interesting, bad coffee. Sure I guess having someone there to laugh about how bad it was would of been nice, but it never really bothered me.

The last time I was at this crossroads I made a decision. I was going to be more outgoing. I still remember the first time I tried this whole ‘be outgoing’ thing. My supervisor, Janice, and I had to work a Saturday shift to do some testing for new work coming to our department. Well, after that was done, I was talking to her and she said ‘Oh. I’m just gonna hang around downtown until my cousins comes and gets me’. Now she was new in town from Montreal and didn’t know much about downtown Vancouver. So I took a chance and just asked if she would like some company. I didn’t think she would want me to go with her, but instead of a ‘no’, I got a ‘Yeah. Sure.’ I’ve never been more nervous in my life. I don’t remember showing her anything about downtown, but I remember us joking around about how she could get lost and how mad her boss would be if I got her lost cause I left her alone in Vancouver. Eventually, she shooed me away, knowing that I had a previous engagement back in Surrey. But for the first time in a while, I was working it, single man style.

I’ve never really enjoyed the idea of being ‘Single’. I don’t even really know what it means to be that way. To be honest, I don’t know how to look and act 'Single'. Should I start wearing cologne? In a way, I’ve always been in this status, just never really noticed. I guess I should just be myself. It’s always been at the very least very comfortable.