I read the two comments from my last blog. They were from great friends from far away. After reading them, I realized maybe, just maybe, I was a little too negative with my blog. The point of the blog wasn't to say 'Oh woe is me. Look at the change I must go through', but more to say 'This is what happened this year. Good, bad, or draw, it's what I'm dealing with right now.'
But I thought to myself, if two of my friends, who don't even live where I live and hardly ever see or talk to, are worried, what must those who are near me think? So let's get positive, shall we? This blog is about pointing out all the good things in my life right now.
1. My weight. I feel very proud of myself to say I've lost 20 lbs over the last year. I am working really hard to lose more, and who knows? With a little luck and some hard work, I will. Big shout out to Darren and Christina, two people who never laughed at my weight, but saw the athlete beneath the belly full of donuts.
2. My book. I feel a great accomplishment in saying I finished writing my blog. I still have a long way to go until you get to see it in a bookstore near you, but to say I finished writing it and am almost done with my first edit, is a great feeling.
3. My relationships. For too long, I've been passive in my relationships with my family, friends, and girls. I've always thought that it was never my fault if things went bad. I never tried hard to maintain the relationship cause I took for granted that they would always be there. It might be the reason why at times I feel very alone. I realize now that was a mistake. The God gave these people around me to love as I would like to be loved. To give love to them as a way to express my love for Him. And I realize now that sometimes people leave. A friend always tell me 'Don't worry'. I've never told it to her, but I rather worry too much and work too hard to show love, then not worry or give enough. I never want someone to question if I care for them, or if I love them. And I never want to feel alone again. It was hard, and I started with my friends, cause it felt like an easier place to start. But I like to think that it has spread in all aspects of my life.
4. Talking to girls. Yes. I know I still am one shy little boy when it comes to this. But I have realized that I can actually talk to girls, and not sound like an idiot, or love struck, or a 13 year old kids just discover that girls have boobies (heehee). Somewhere between the girls who just wanted to be friends to those girl who just straight up rejected me to the girls who were just being polite, I developed something that might be very close to confidence. Yes. It's weird for me too. And I still have moments when I'm just standing there, not knowing what to say. But for someone who has always said he was a shy person, the fact that I was able to talk to girls (and people in general now) without getting scared is huge for me. And as a result, I feel good about myself. So if given me more confidence. Isn't that awesome?
On a slightly related topic, I now have actual wants and don't wants when it comes girls. I've never really had that. So just cause a girl is cute and nice to me, it doesn't mean I'll go after her. I get to know girls, become their friends, and isn't that what you should do first, right?
If you wanna know (say maybe to hook me up with a single friend), I want passionate about something (work or hobby), environmentally conscience, and someone who listens to my stupid rants, and laughs at the end. So if you're a single female and reading this blog, (which is essentially, a long stupid rant) then we be off to a good start.
5. Changed jobs. Now hold on. Don't flip out. I know I said this wasn't exactly a good thing, but I would like to point out the good that came out this. I made two good friends with Derrick and Gino, along with reconnecting with friends Darren, Tess, Lorna, Jozz and Nola. I've met some great people who I can totally see being friends in Shalesh and Lily and Ciony. And now that I've worked harder and gotten better, i do feel better about my job and my role (Though I still feel a little like I'm on the outside looking in as far as team).
One thing I've always believed in that joy always comes in the little things. It sometimes hard to spot when you feel like the big things are trying to kick you the balls and try to keep you up at night. And then you write a blog like my last one. But it's not what brings you down, it's what pick you up when you're down that matters. And keeping an eye on the little good things makes it easier to see the big good things. I hope one day I only see good, and only worry about things I can do something about so I can go change them, but til them, I have this blog to remind me that in a time full of change and the frustration that can bring, I got better. It's like I downloaded a beta version from the internet. It came with some bugs but the BJ 5000 is now in solid, good working order, sent back through time to be legen. . .wait for it. . .wait for it. , ,I hope you're still waiting, cause then this would just looks silly. Hmm could stuff like this be the reason people get annoyed with me?. . .wait for it. . .dary. That's spelled Legendary for those who didn't see it.
BJB
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